03/04/2025

   Tuesday, March 4th, 2025 - My living room - 8:23 pm

    I have always hated spring,  consistently been my least favourite season since i was a child. However, i had class today in the basement of one of my favourite buildings on campus, walking up the stairs to the ground floor im hit with such a comforting distinct smell. its what i know to be the smell of spring, its so fragrant for something that really just smells like defrost, like mulch and plant matter. Something about instantly releases dopamine in my body, it's so cold and fresh but somehow dense and thick you can perfectly smell it when visiting any basement around this time of year. 

    Actually that reminds me of something, buildings to me have always felt sentient. Always felt alive, not in any cliche haunted house trope, rather in a way thats  filled with feeling, feelings much deeper than human ones. way more complex and less forgiving, not as simple as sadness, joy, anger, more of a underlying conscious emotion. They are intense and they are powerful, they are energetic and they encapsulate the events have have occured before you and the experiences you are to expect while being in this building. Something that i feel really captures this phenomenon i feel is silent hill. Even via video game you can really, actually feel any lasting powerful event. i think that is just the closest way to describe how i feel about it.

    Today i was thinking of a new resolution, i will only write electronically AFTER writing something out on paper. There really are so many more benefits to that, it forces me to be concise and meaningful with my words, ill avoid wasting paper, and actually think about what i'm writing before i do it. I used to be such an amazing writer, people would comment and compliment me on every piece i ever wrote, now not only am i subpar but i am boring. i am slowly going to heal that, i know that i can it will take time and dedication which i unfortunately have far too much of. First step: deleting grammarly, that god forsaken spell checker drives me fucking nuts, i find myself just accepting their suggestions to get that annoying fucking suggestion bar out of my way. Plus there is no grammarly in handwriting. 

    For now i will shitpost like no other while my brain finally sets itself back to its creative, sordid self.