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03/04/2025

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   Tuesday, March 4th, 2025 - My living room - 8:23 pm      I have always hated spring,  consistently been my least favourite season since i was a child. However, i had class today in the basement of one of my favourite buildings on campus, walking up the stairs to the ground floor im hit with such a comforting distinct smell. its what i know to be the smell of spring, its so fragrant for something that really just smells like defrost, like mulch and plant matter. Something about instantly releases dopamine in my body, it's so cold and fresh but somehow dense and thick you can perfectly smell it when visiting any basement around this time of year.      Actually that reminds me of something, buildings to me have always felt sentient. Always felt alive, not in any cliche haunted house trope, rather in a way thats  filled with feeling, feelings much deeper than human ones. way more complex and less forgiving, not as simple as sadness, joy,...
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struggling --> better

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      I have truly no idea how to decide what is worth writing down, what's worth posting and what simply is not. For real though what do i talk about? Can i just spill about my day? about my sex life? about my past?  i'm no writer and i know the things i write will never be read no one knows this blog exists and it doesn't make me feel alone or incapable. However, there is the even scarier possibility that someone will one day read my little blog and comment "she cant even use proper grammar lol", now that is my nightmare.  i am definitely not quite comfortable writing down the things i think or the things i want to write. so this will be that first post. i guess it's just like making friends the only way to get further acquainted and spill your darkest secrets is by starting with the surface level stuff.        Maybe i should first identify what i want to happen with this blog. I want someone who is as unique and alone as i am, whos be...
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my best friend is in love with me :(

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      After a drunk night out, he drives me home. I slowly nod off in the passenger seat with my hand on the gear stick. Listening to my favourite album, I feel his hand on mine and his thumb stroking my wrist. I don't feel uneasy or unsafe; I feel only sad. We reach my house and drop off our insanely drunk friend, now it's just the two of us, I know I should leave, but I couldn't "Are you hungry? Should we get some food?" I instead suggest. He says yes, and at 4am, we drive in complete silence to a drive-through, both far too aware of the tension and sadness between us.      I simply can't fight how tired I am while he eats, and I just want to forget the night and my headaches. As I sleep, he pulls my head into his lap and lets me sleep, I know he is watching me, I know he is playing all my favourite songs, and I know he's keeping the temperature the way I like it.  I know that this is my best friend and that he is lonely, and again, I can only feel a...
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First entry!

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      This is my first entry ever on a blog! I have absolutely no hopes for anyone to read this, but I think it will be incredibly helpful and fun to explore this blogging universe. I am a highly cynical, nice(ish), young woman and will use this as my own little diary. I have been misunderstood my whole life so let's see if strangers on the internet can maybe understand and welcome me. Let's see how this goes. I for some reason am nervous. eek. 
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